


this island of two within us

by fifty-one sunsets (idyleski)



Category: JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24946216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idyleski/pseuds/fifty-one%20sunsets
Summary: Somewhere in the Unofficial Guidebook to Surviving the Kpop Industry there's a rule that says:Do not fall in love with one of your bandmates. Do not date them or engage in any sort of non-platonic activity.If falling in love with a bandmate is pretty high up on the list of Unofficial Rules To Follow If You Want a Successful Kpop Career, Kenta wonders what kind of atrocious crime falling in love with your former bandmate/roommate now a partner in a Kpop duo as well as dormmate counts as.
Relationships: Kim Sanggyun | A-Tom/Takada Kenta
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	this island of two within us

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first out of a few self-indulgent fics which i've started writing this year ;__; one i cannot BELIEVE that i started getting into jbj/jbj95 this year despite knowing 1) they were a project group 2) they already disbanded. maybe it's just me channeling my old inner topp dogg stan years later. anyways i fell for kenta and kenta/sanggyun SO HARD AND SO FAST, these two are seriously the cutest and the most adorable <333 i wish there was more fic for them but alas. either way this fic is the culmination from the sheer amount of EMOTION i have for jbj/jbj95 and how cute these two are. (if i sound like a rabid madmen about these two its bc i secretly am)
> 
> a huge thank you to claire for helping me beta this and listening to me talk non stop about kengyun and HOW IN LOVE THEY ARE + CUTE THEY ARE for the past month. (seriously, ty <33 this isnt the first time). 
> 
> fic title from [twilight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6MQo7Gusy8) by ateez

Honestly, Sanggyun is not the best roommate.

He doesn't clean the common room, he rarely cooks, he only sometimes takes out the trash. At least he remembers to buy new trash bags when they run out. Kenta can handle the cleaning and the cooking. He can handle taking out the trash every week even though it was his turn last week. However, there's one distressing habit of Sanggyun's that Kenta cannot handle.

"He just walks around in the dorm in nothing but his boxers!" Kenta exclaims. His voice borders on a whine.

"What color were they today?" Donghan hums.

"T-the r-red Calvin Klein ones," Kenta stammers as his face turns an equally bright shade of red. He recalls how after they returned to the dorm, Sanggyun had immediately stripped off his jeans and sweater. He had spent the next half hour seated in their living room in nothing but his red boxers as he played the Wii. Afterwards, he spent a good fifteen minutes leaning against the fridge deciding what to eat and Kenta spent a good fifteen minutes at the kitchen table trying not to follow Sanggyun's hand idly tracing back and forth over his abs, eyes trailing lower and lower until–

"That's not the point!" he shouts. "You're trying to change the topic again!" Kenta can feel his blood pressure skyrocket as he recalls the scene. It's okay, just think pure, cute thoughts. Like puppies and rainbows, he tells himself. Cute brown puppies with their wagging tails and droopy tongues that make Kenta feel all warm inside the same way Sanggyun's smile does. He lets out a whine as he buries his face in his hands. Thank God Donghan can't see him right now, otherwise Kenta thinks he might actually perish on the spot.

Donghan laughs.

"It's not funny," he complains. "It stresses me out."

"Mm-hmm," Donghan says but it doesn't sound like he's listening. Inwardly, Kenta fumes. He _always_ pays attention when Donghan is complaining about his problems.

Kenta continues, "It distresses me. A lot. I don't think I can deal with anyone's near-nakedness."

"I mean, you never had an issue when we accidentally ran into each other after a shower," Donghan says. 

And he hates how it’s true. Sure, he feels a bit awkward and put off whenever he runs into someone half-naked, but that’s because Kenta is clumsy and awkward. Still, he let Donghan film him dancing to Despacito post-shower and even that didn’t make him want to combust on the spot the way seeing Sanggyun padding around their apartment does.

"That's different!" Kenta squeaks.

Ignoring him, Donghan presses on, "Sanggyun always pranced around practically naked in our old dorm. You guys were roommates too. You can't tell me he didn't accidentally flash you at least _once_ in those eight months."

If Kenta's face was burning before, it's smoking now. He did, in fact, walk-in on Sanggyun in his full, naked glory. Kenta had stumbled into his room after a long schedule and Sanggyun had been standing in front of the dresser, drying his hair. What had followed was a high-pitched shriek and five minutes of nonstop apologies after Sanggyun had finally chosen a pair of boxers to wear. Safe to say the memory is well-repressed.

"Nope! Me? See Sanggyun naked? Never!" Kenta says, voice climbing even higher.

Donghan cackles. "Uh-huh. Was it a nice view?"

"No, it was not!" Kenta screeches. It was a very nice view but if Kenta thinks about the curve of Sanggyun's back, the toned muscles of his thighs, the subtle muscles rippling in his back as his head turned around he–

"Suuuuure," Donghan laughs.

Kenta can imagine him leaning back in his chair as he plays some video game. He hopes Donghan falls down.

"Anyways," Donghan continues, "I don't see why it should be an issue. It's not like he's doing anything new."

It wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that one day, a week after they moved into their new dorm, Kenta had woken up and started making breakfast. Sanggyun walked into the kitchen shortly after, clad in nothing but his boxers with his hair sticking up in every direction and drool on the side of his chin. But when he turned around to see Sanggyun smiling at him, Kenta felt his brain freeze and his chest constrict until he couldn't breathe. Since then, he hasn't been able to function normally around Sanggyun.

"Unless...you finally realized that you liked him, or something," Donghan says.

Kenta's brain fizzles. "Me?" he asks. His voice sounds distant to his own ears. "Like Sanggyun?" He grips his phone until his knuckles turn white. Kenta should have hung up on Donghan five minutes ago but apparently he has no self-preservation. What else is new.

"Yes," Donghan says as though he were explaining something to a small child, "Like Sanggyun. As in like-like, if that wasn't clear enough."

"I don’t understand the words you’re using. This is beyond my vocabulary," Kenta says. Donghan is laughing again, like there's a joke Kenta doesn't get. "I'm hanging up," he whines into the phone and does just that. He knows he's an easy target for jokes, but there's only so much he can take. Kenta buries his face into his pillow and lets out a loud scream, Donghan's words ring in his ear:

_You finally realized that you liked him._

**kenta (23:15):** donghaaaaaaaan i'm sorry for hanging up on you like that  
**kenta (23:15):** but i have a question TT__TT  
**donghan (23:17):** what is it lol  
**kenta (23:20):** what did you mean by FINALLY realized ??  
**kenta (23:38):** donghaaaaan  
**donghan (00:01):** :p  
**kenta (00:03):** >:((

The issue, Kenta thinks, lies with Sanggyun.

At first, when they were filming for Enjoy JBJ, he thought his roommate was only playing it up for the cameras. He may have been a tad envious of how naturally Sanggyun took to the cameras and how easily he cracked unscripted jokes. However, within the first month of rooming together, Kenta realized that was just who Sanggyun was. Even when the cameras weren't around he would purposefully poke and prod until Kenta's face turned red and he became flustered beyond belief. Kenta's pretty sure he and Donghan used to have a secret tally of who could embarrass him the most.

For all he knows, it might still be ongoing. It probably is. Kenta mistakenly believed that after rooming with Sanggyun for eight months, the novelty of teasing Kenta would wear off. It hasn't. Sanggyun's eyes still twinkle with mischief before he's about to say something he thinks is clever– and maybe Kenta really _is_ a fool, just like they say, because he still falls for it. Lately, the delighted grin Sanggyun gives afterwards fills Kenta with a warmth that doesn't leave for hours. (And, since Sanggyun loves to make a joke at his expense any chance he gets, this warm fondness started overflowing a long time ago.)

Yes, Kenta decides, the issue is with Sanggyun and the annoyingly endearing way his laugh out of all things is bashful. The way he hides his laughter behind a hand when he remembers the cameras are rolling and always ducks his head is so at odds with the rest of his personality. Every time Kenta catches a glimpse of his gums as he smiles his heart swells with affection. How can someone who parades around the house half-naked with five other guys he's only somewhat acquainted with be so shy when he laughs?

"Did you hurt yourself falling?" Sanggyun asks, snapping Kenta back into reality.

"What? No. I didn't fall or anything. I'm fine." Kenta vigorously stabs his noodles.

"Oh, really? You look a bit dazed to me." Sanggyun raises an eyebrow, smirking.

And really, Kenta should know all the signs by now. Still, he asks, "Why?"

"I was just going to ask if you hurt yourself falling from heaven, since you look like an angel," Sanggyun says. He says it the same way one would say it's sunny today or it's rainy outside that it leaves Kenta sputtering.

"Y-you!" Kenta exclaims and Sanggyun still has his poker face on. He continues to eat his noodles as if nothing happened, and Kenta can feel himself growing hotter.

"What?" Sanggyun inquires.

"You can't just say things like that!"

"What? So I can't tell the truth?" Sanggyun teases.

And there it is. The smile that gives Kenta heart palpitations. The smile that never fails to lift Kenta's mood. The smile that Kenta hopes Sanggyun will always have. "Don't say things you don't mean," Kenta scoffs instead, his heart about to burst. 

Sanggyun gives him a strange look but it's gone before Kenta knows it. Sanggyun's laughter fills their kitchen and Kenta tries his hardest to fight the way his lips curve upwards. (Honestly, he doesn't even pretend to try at this point.)

Somewhere in the Unofficial Guidebook to Surviving the Kpop Industry there's a rule that says: _Do not fall in love with one of your bandmates. Do not date them or engage in any sort of non-platonic activity._ Kenta's sure out of all the rules, this one has been ignored the most. The disregard and blatant lack of fear he's seen in others has been astounding but then again Kenta isn't as straight-laced as others seem to think.

Still, falling in love with a bandmate is pretty high up on the list of Unofficial Rules To Follow If You Want a Successful Kpop Career. Kenta wonders what kind of atrocious crime falling in love with your former bandmate/roommate now a partner in a Kpop duo as well as dormmate counts as. Even if Kenta theoretically found Sanggyun beyond attractive and charming back when they were in JBJ, it would have been much safer to act on that theoretical attraction back then than it would be now. Before, he could avoid Sanggyun by gluing himself to Donghan's side and refusing to step foot outside of his room (even if Donghan would have laughed at him and sent him right back to Sanggyun). There were four others to disperse the tension, and he wouldn’t have to live in fear of being stuck alone in the same apartment as the other man. 

Now is a completely different matter. It's impossible to ignore the fondness bubbling in his chest when Sanggyun meets his eyes in the dance practice mirror. It's difficult to ignore the warmth in his stomach when Sanggyun looks up to give him a soft smile when he enters the room. Now, it's just the two of them, and Kenta has gotten to know Sanggyun so much more. He's shared sides of himself that he hasn't shared with anyone else. With Sanggyun, Kenta feels safe being vulnerable.

"Earth to Kenta. Hey! You good there?" Sanggyun's voice snaps him back to the dance studio. There's a small smirk dancing across Sanggyun's lips as he wipes the sweat off his face with the bottom of his shirt. And oh my god, Kenta thinks, there's no way Sanggyun isn't doing this on purpose. Not with the way his eyes don’t break away from Kenta’s gaze. 

Laughter that sounds suspiciously like Donghan's rings in his head.

Kenta's face burns, "Just fine," he squeaks.

"You sure about that? You look a bit red," Sanggyun notes.

Kenta wonders what he did wrong to deserve this. "I just feel a bit tired. Tough choreo." His voice climbs higher as it always does whenever he's flustered.

Sanggyun sinks down to the floor beside him, resting his head on Kenta's shoulder. Kenta should push him off. They're both disgusting and full of sweat and with Sanggyun right next to him it only feels worse. (That, and the fact that Kenta can't help but admire his sharp angle of his jawline and the pronounced collarbones from this angle.) "Do you want to grab some ice cream before we go back? My treat." Sanggyun says, offering Kenta a lazy grin.

"You never offer to treat," Kenta scoffs without any real bite.

"That's a lie! What about last week when I treated you to okonomiyaki?" Sanggyun counters. He pokes Kenta until he’s unable to defend himself from Sanggyun’s nimble fingers and concedes, wheezing from laughter. 

Rolling his eyes, Kenta's body surgest with affection as he allows Sanggyun to pull him up and off the ground. (He wishes it were into Sanggyun’s arms.) Maybe, falling in love with your one and only bandmate isn’t the worst rule to break.

**hyunbin (13:01):** so....  
**hyunbin (13:02):** a little birdie told me you have a ~crush~

Kenta’s stomach drops when he slides open the notification for two new texts on his phone. Oh he is absolutely about to throttle Donghan when they get lunch tomorrow. 

**kenta (13:05):** -________-  
**hyunbin (13:07):** so who is it?  
**kenta (13:16):** donghan didn't tell you??  
**hyunbin (13:17):** no. lol.  
**hyunbin (13:18):** anyways whos the lucky man?  
**hyunbin (13:19):** do i know him? does donghan know him?  
**hyunbin (13:20):** oooh or is it someone from produce  
**hyunbin (13:21):** doES SANGGYUN KNOW HIM??? oooh. my. GOD.  
**hyunbin (13:22):** you have to tell me what he thinks of him. is he jealous?? i bet he’s the jealous type

Kenta frowns at Hyunbin’s most recent text. Why would Sanggyun be jealous? Just as they did in JBJ, Hyunbin’s comments continue to elude him.

**kenta (13:31):** ???  
**kenta (13:32):** why would sanggyun know him  
**hyunbin (13:33):** bc u two were thing before?? or smth like that

Fingers frozen over his phone, Kenta’s heart pauses in his chest. His blood freezes and for a moment, he can’t breathe. Just what is it with everyone and these assumptions? Why would Hyunbin ever think that he and Sanggyun were a thing? With growing horror, Kenta racks his brain for a single instance during the eight months they all lived together that could suggest he and Sanggyun were...a..”thing.” He fails to recall anything, which begs the bigger question: do other people think he and Sanggyun are a thing? 

A small part of Kenta is pleased by the fact that he and Sanggyun are close enough for others to draw this assumption but then he remembers that he still can’t look Sanggyun in the eye for more than five seconds when he’s practically undressed. It’s just like Kenta to get excited over something that isn’t even true.

**kenta (13:36):** sanggyun and i aren't a thing....  
**hyunbin (13:37):** oh  
**hyunbin (13:47):** wait so it's sanggyun right? Lol

After a long day of schedules, the first thing Kenta does is collapse onto his bed. He buries his face in the blankets and ignores the stiffness in his shoulder. Is this what Taehyun meant by getting older? Maybe he should invest in a shoulder massager too.

"You're back," a voice says below him. Kenta rolls over to see Sanggyun on his phone. His sweats hang dangerously low on his hips and Kenta thanks whatever higher being there is that Sanggyun isn’t lounging in his room in his boxers today. A slow smile spreads across his face as Kenta meets his eyes; he’s like a puppy as soon as Kenta comes back home. Kenta takes his time to memorize the curve of Sanggyun's jaw and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Briefly, he wonders what it would be like to press his lips against Sanggyun’s, to know the slope of his smile.

"Hey," Kenta says, a bit breathless because of his wandering thoughts. "I'm happy to see you." 

And he is. Even when they come home together, there's a pleasant feeling that fills his whole body whenever Sanggyun comes into his room. (Kenta would love to say he knocks but the other man is an uncontained barrel of energy that came barging into his life.) Sanggyun claims that it's awkward if they're both home alone and don't even interact for a whole day, but Kenta thinks it's because he secretly misses when they used to share the same room. Back then, they would frequently converse in low tones or sit in comfortable silence. It's nice, sharing a space with someone else and looking over to see them right there.

Sanggyun's smile stretches even wider and with it, the tension in Kenta's shoulders slowly dissipates. "Aww, you miss me that much?" he asks. "Careful, otherwise it'll start sounding like you have a crush on me." Sanggyun grins at him with a knowing look in his eyes.

"Shut up, you know what I mean," Kenta huffs.

"Yeah, but it's fun hearing you get all flustered," Sanggyun hides his laughter behind his palm.

Kenta's heart jumps into his throat. He feigns irritation as he commits this laugh to memory, just like he has with all of Sanggyun’s other laughs.

"Have you eaten yet?" Sanggyun asks.

"No, not yet. You didn't wait for me all this time, did you? It's kinda late." Kenta turns to prop himself up on his elbow so he can face Sanggyun.

Sanggyun looks amused. "Yeah, I did eat. I saved you some for you in the kitchen but I guess you came here first."

"I just wanted to rest for a moment. I'll eat in a bit," Kenta defends himself but it just sounds whiny. 

"Make sure you take your makeup off too," Sanggyun says, hand cupping Kenta's jaw. "You need to take care of your skin." His thumb strokes Kenta's cheek with featherlight touches that cause Kenta to shiver. He inhales sharply and it's the only sound in the otherwise quiet room. Kenta's heart pounds in his chest and it's simple actions like this that makes him scream _I don't know why you do this_ on the inside.

Sanggyun's eyes meet his and Kenta feels like he's about to burst into a million pieces underneath his gaze. He hates the effect Sanggyun has on him. When the other man finally, _finally_ withdraws his hand Kenta lets out the breath he was holding. There's something different about the way Sanggyun's eyes meet his, but Kenta isn't quite sure what it is.

"You look pretty like this though. With all the glitter. Kind of like a fairy." And Sanggyun is grinning again, a faint sense of self-satisfaction in his smile.

"Do you want me to take off my makeup or not?," Kenta asks. He tries to sound annoyed but in reality he’s trying not to preen underneath the compliment.

Sanggyun tilts his head, pretending to ponder the question with great care. Kenta's frustration bubbles and it only grows knowing that Sanggyun is getting a kick out of this. "I like it when you look like this," and Sanggyun is close again, up in Kenta's space with his eyes staring into his before he's an arm's length away the next moment, "but I think you also look good without makeup too. Maybe not as good as me but you're pretty cute yourself."

"Y-you, you–" Kenta sputters because Sanggyun just loves dropping these comments _all the time_ and he really cannot cope. Sanggyun laughs, covering his mouth with his hand. Kenta fake-fumes as he takes in the way Sanggyun's head falls back and the gummy smile that peeks out when he withdraws his hand.

"I'm going to take my makeup off,” Kenta announces, pushing Sanggyun back down to the carpet as he marches out of his room. He ignores the pearls of laughter that follow, trying not to imagine Sanggyun and his smile.

"Yeah and then he just– are you even listening?" Kenta huffs.

Taehyun doesn't look up from his phone, "Yeah, of course, I am."

Kenta pouts, making sure he sighs loud enough. Several times. In quick succession.

"Do you have a respiratory problem or something?" Taehyun squints at him.

"No! My lungs are fine! But I have a different problem," Kenta whines.

Taehyun puts down his phone and fixes Kenta with his Look. It's the look specially reserved for when he's exasperated beyond belief. Kenta wilts underneath the gaze - he's seen it used on Donghan and Sanggyun and he's seen them cower in fear but never has he faced it himself. He holds his breath as he waits for Taehyun's next words, wishing he could turn into the ice cubes melting in their drinks.

"Honestly I don't even see what the issue is. You clearly like Sanggyun. I thought we established this thirty minutes ago." Taehyun says.

"I never said I liked him!" Kenta objects. Why does everyone around him keep putting words in his mouth? Never once has Kenta _ever_ said he likes Sanggyun only that–

"Please," Taehyun rolls his eyes, "You just spent ten minutes describing his body in explicit detail. Believe me, I already know how fit Sanggyun is. We all know. It's not like he tried to keep it a secret. Afterwards, you spent another fifteen minutes telling me about his smiles and laughs and I quote 'how it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.'"

"My Korean isn't that good! I lack the complex vocabulary to properly describe my frustration," Kenta counters. He sips on his Americano with a pout for good measure.

Taehyun pinches the bridge of his nose. "Okay, whatever you say, Kenta. So then, what exactly is the problem?"

"I don't know why he's like this! I can't tell if it's just his personality or if he actually likes me back too or something!"

For the second time that day, Taehyun gives Kenta a look. (At least it's not The Look.) This time he seems more incredulous than exasperated. "You're serious. You're actually serious right now."

Not for the first time, Kenta wonders what exactly he's missing.

"Wow," Taehyun nods to himself as if everything now makes sense. Unfortunately for Kenta, he's still missing a large portion of this puzzle. Usually, Kenta accepts his position as the last one to understand a joke or just waits until his old bandmates take pity on him and explain it to him but this time Kenta is more than annoyed.

"To be fair I thought you guys finally got together like two weeks after moving in," Taehyun says, ignoring the way Kenta's eyes bulge, "but I really should have known better." Kenta feels like he should be affronted by this statement. "It's just like you and Sanggyun to constantly flirt and act all domestic but not make a real move for months."

This time, Kenta is actually miffed. "I don't _flirt_ with Sanggyun. I'm not a flirty person," he objects. At least not when he's sober. No, Kenta is a cutie sexy but an awkward cutie sexy who takes too long to understand jokes and gets flustered at the smallest things. There isn't a single flirtatious bone in his body. Even when he's intoxicated, all he does is cling to others and beg for hugs and reciprocated affection. That’s not flirty, that’s just his inner attention hog rearing its head.

Taehyun sighs, "Anyways, I think you should just talk to him about it. Even though, for some absurd reason–" Taehyun gives Kenta a pointed glare, "you think that he doesn't like you back, it'd still be worthwhile. I mean you two promote together and live together. It'll be bound to come up eventually."

And this is exactly what Kenta _didn't_ want to be voiced aloud. It's because it's Sanggyun that Kenta knows he'll have to be the one to breach the subject. It's because it's Sanggyun that Kenta knows if all goes south, he'll smile at him with the grin that causes Kenta's heartstrings to tighten and laugh with that one laugh that Kenta secretly loves and tell him, "It's fine," even though it's the complete opposite of fine. (Kenta knows that it'll be fine eventually but at that moment it won't be and that's the moment that matters most.)

"Urgh," Kenta presses his face into the crook of his elbow and groans.

"Ken-ta," Sanggyun sings, "Ken-ta. Takada Kenta."

"What?" Kenta's head snaps up from his textbook, concentration now lost.

"Nothing," Sanggyun says, laughing at the way Kenta scowls. "I just wanted to hear your voice. You've been looking at that textbook for awhile."

"It's because I need to study for the exam," Kenta says even though Sanggyun already knows. "I really want to show that I've gotten better at Korean."

"Mmm-hmm," Sanggyun hums as he pads over to Kenta's desk. "You've been studying for awhile though. Maybe you should take a break?" He massages Kenta's shoulders, hands kneading into the tense muscle. Kenta lets out a soft sigh as he leans back into Sanggyun's touch.

"I haven't finished the chapter yet," he argues but it sounds weak, even to his ears.

"How about you finish that page first?" Sanggyun suggests. "Then you can take a break and we can grab something to eat."

Ordinarily, Kenta is much more self-disciplined but it's hard to muster any restraint when Sanggyun massages his scalp and he's looking at Kenta like _that_. It's the look that Kenta catches him with when they're sitting in the waiting room and he looks up from the screen or the look he sees whenever he spins away from the stovetop during dinner. It makes his breath catch in his throat and makes him feel all squirmish on the inside. Kenta can't deal with this brand of intensity from Sanggyun.

"Fine," he acquiesces. He doesn't need to look back to know that Sanggyun is smiling.

Kenta turns his attention back to the page in front of him. He expects Sanggyun to return to lying on the floor but he stays behind him, arms resting on top of Kenta's chair. His breath fans across the back of Kenta's neck and the very fact that he's right _there_ makes it difficult for Kenta to focus on the five remaining questions in front of him. There's something in the air that causes Kenta's chest to feel like it's about to burst. When he's finally finished with the questions he whips around to see Sanggyun staring at him. Their faces are only inches apart and Kenta _knows_ Sanggyun is doing this on purpose.

Swallowing the dry lump in his throat, Kenta asks, "Where do you want to eat for dinner?"

"Did you know because beef tripe kind of looks like a brain Korean high schoolers will eat beef tripe and japchae a week before their exams? So you should start eating beef tripe more often." Sanggyun asks.

"Really? That's kind of like in Japan when we–" Kenta pauses when he notices Sanggyun's smirk. Face heating up, he closes his eyes and counts to ten before he next speaks. "You're just messing with me."

Sanggyun laughs, loud and clear. It makes Kenta's knees feel weak but he also needs to pretend to be somewhat indignant because he isn't the clueless foreigner he was before. "I love you. You're so cute when you get flustered." Sanggyun leans in until their faces are mere centimeters apart. He bumps his nose against Kenta's, drawing back quickly before he chuckles once more.

Kenta clenches his fists. "You. You–" He hates how easy he gets riled up by Sanggyun but he also hates how at the end of the day, he secretly enjoys it. He hates how Sanggyun is always saying things he doesn't mean but he likes how comfortable it is to be around him. On some days, Kenta smiles so much his face hurts. When he gets back home and looks at Sanggyun he can't help but smile even more.

His chest is filled with a million emotions that have been threatening to burst for the past few months. Kenta has never been eloquent, he tends to ramble and make long-winded speeches that stray far from the point. He always ends up talking for far too long and either saying too much or not actually saying anything at all. It's difficult to sort through the bubbling thoughts and with Sanggyun's gaze on him, one eyebrow raised, Kenta can't think at all.

"Don't say things like that. Not if you don't mean it," He ends up saying. And maybe he sounds more hurt than he actually is or maybe it's the culmination of months of frustration and realization of his feelings because Sanggyun looks put off.

"Is that what you think? That I don't mean it?" Sanggyun asks quietly.

"Yes," Kenta answers automatically. "No. I don't know!" Because there's no way Sanggyun can mean it when he's been saying these sorts of things for months now.

"And what if I do mean it?" Sanggyun inquires. He's staring at Kenta again with the same intense gaze. Kenta wishes he could flee but he's trapped in between his desk and Sanggyun.

_Don't be a coward_ , a voice that sounds like Donghan says.

"You c–" Kenta starts, but his brain catches up. He flushes under the implications and now Sanggyun smirks at him with a knowing look.

"Besides, you're the one who always clings to me and says 'I love you' when you're drunk," Sanggyun laughs, eyes crinkling into crescents. This time, he doesn't hide it.

"But I mean that too!" Kenta whines. "Not in the same way as when I say it tol Donghan or Takuya when I'm drunk, but you can't just make fun of me like that."

Sanggyun's whole body shakes with laughter. Really, Kenta should feel more outraged than he is right now but all he can think about is Sanggyun's smile and the way he lights up the whole room. When Sanggyun looks back up, his eyes are soft and filled with an emotion Kenta is scared to put a name to.

Kenta clears his throat, "What, uh, I mean to say is that I like you. Too." He stares at Sanggyun, twiddling with his fingers. God, why is he so awkward?

Sanggyun grins again, his lips stretched in the widest smile Kenta has ever seen. He leans in until their faces are mere centimeters apart. Kenta gulps, heart going a million miles a minute. Sanggyun lets out a small snort before he leans in, closing the distance between their lips.

Oh, and it's just like everything Kenta imagined but also so much more. Sanggyun's lips are soft against Kenta's, a firm pressure against his own lips but nothing more. Kenta lets out an involuntary sigh and he can feel Sanggyun's lips stretch wider in response. When they finally draw apart, the smirk is still there.

Kenta inhales deeply, trying to restore the breath that Sanggyun just stole. Sanggyun grins at him smugly when Kenta's hands come up to touch his lip.

"Dude, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that," Sanggyun whines, pouting. "You're so dense. I've been dropping hints since _forever_."

Kenta snaps out of his stupor. "How long?"

"Mm, since we were in JBJ maybe? You never picked up on it though," Sanggyun frowns.

"I can make up for it now though," Kenta says too quickly. He flushes when his brain finally catches up to his mouth.

"Oh?" Sanggyun raises an eyebrow, "How?" he grins wolfishly. And here Kenta is again, digging himself into a hole. Still, he finds that he doesn't entirely mind when he leans forward to press his lips against the curve of Sanggyun's smile, reaching up to cup the back of his head to pull him closer.

**donghan (21:07):** congrats  
**donghan (21:08):** i better be the best man at the wedding to make up for this betrayal  
**kenta (9:44):** i didn't even tell you yet ;(((  
**donghan (9:45):** exactly. that's why this is going in the top ten anime betrayals

"Who're you texting?" Sanggyun asks, sprawling across the couch so his head is in Kenta's lap.

"Donghan," Kenta answers. He uses one of his hands to comb through Sanggyun's hair and the other lets out a soft sigh.

**kenta (9:51):** sorry :///

Kenta spends some time scrolling through his SNS while Sanggyun dozes in his lap. It's a beautiful day outside; the floor is marked with dappled sunlight. They don't have any schedules today and rehearsal isn't until later tonight. Kenta likes slow mornings where he can take his time waking up. He likes spending time with Sanggyun; doing inane things like combing his hair or sneaking in kisses in the bathroom.

"Hey, Kenta," Sanggyun pokes Kenta's chin.

"Yeah?" Kenta's fingers move to the dip between Sanggyun's collarbones. They linger there before moving onto his chest, tracing nonsensical patterns into his skin.

"Wanna do my makeup for me?" Sanggyun asks.

Kenta's fingers pause. "Is there something special today?"

"Nah," Sanggyun rolls over to prop his chin on his hands. "You're just good at makeup and I felt good today so I thought it'd be nice if you did it for me."

"Only if you put on clothes," Kenta scoffs, pushing Sanggyun off the sofa. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"No, you just pretend to hate it." Sanggyun chuckles, ducking down to press a kiss to the side of Kenta's mouth.

"You're going to ruin all my hard work otherwise," Kenta shouts as Sanggyun leaves. His laughter rings like bells throughout their apartment and Kenta allows the affection to wash over him. He rummages through his drawers, trying to decide which palette and lip colors will best suit Sanggyun.

When Sanggyun returns, he's dressed in a simple pair of black skinny jeans and a white shirt. He smiles when he notices the palettes and lip colors next to Kenta.

"These all for me?" He jokes.

Kenta rolls his eyes, beckoning Sanggyun to lean in closer. "I didn't know what you were going to wear or if you were going to wear anything at all."

He begins applying the eyeshadow. Sanggyun is quiet as Kenta works. When he starts on the eyeliner he places a hand on Sanggyun's thigh to steady himself. It's one of his bolder moves and he knows Sanggyun catches on because when Kenta moves onto his other eye, he moves Kenta's hand further up his thigh. There's an infuriating smirk on his face as Kenta finishes his eyeliner. Sanggyun's hand is still gripping Kenta's wrist.

"No glitter?" He asks as Kenta tries to decide on a lip color. "Isn't that a signature from beauty guru Kenta?"

"Oh? Did you want me to put some on you?" he asks.

"It's okay, I think it suits you better anyway." Sanggyun grins and all Kenta can think of is how _fond_ he is and how Sanggyun needs to stop being so embarrassing.

"Do you want to choose a lip color?" He offers five different tints. He notes with satisfaction that Sanggyun chooses the one Kenta thought would look best on him.

When Kenta applies the base lip color, he uses his hand on Sanggyun to steady himself once again. Sanggyun's free hand sneaks up to play with the hem of Kenta's shirt. Kenta ignores him and ignores the way Sanggyun's eyes twinkle. The man will never stop teasing him. Instead, he tries to summon all his self-restraint to not kiss Sanggyun's lips.

"Hey, Kenta," Sanggyun says.

And when Kenta looks at Sanggyun all his thoughts scatter except for one: _I've made a mistake_. He can feel Sanggyun's lips quirk upwards against his own as Sanggyun kisses him slowly. Sanggyun uses his one hand on Kenta's wrist and his other hand on Kenta's hip to hold him in place. Even if Kenta could break free, he wouldn't want to. He sighs as Sanggyun's tongue swipes against his lips.

"I'm going to have to redo your lips," he murmurs as Sanggyun draws back.

"That's okay," Sanggyun says before he pushes Kenta onto his back, the hand formerly gripping Kenta's hip now by the side of Kenta's head. Kenta feels winded as he looks up at Sanggyun and his red-kissed lips. He reaches for Sanggyun's hand, the one still on his wrist. And all Kenta feels is impossibly warm and _this is what they mean by love_. Every time he sees Sanggyun and his smile, his heart melts and this time is no exception. Kenta smiles as Sanggyun’s lips meet his once again. 

Outside, the skies are blue and the sun shines a brilliant, glittering gold.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ kengyun are SO CUTE i hate sanggyun and his dumb smile >:((  
> \+ (jk i actually love it ;__; i love these two so so much)  
> \+ i would be very happy if anyone would like to [scream with me](https://twitter.com/eyepatchboys) about these two


End file.
